I don't know how many of you out there are still reading this blog, and I certainly do not know how many of you have children. In the wake of all the reported suicides of gay and lesbian youths due to bullying over the last several weeks, I felt the need to post about my thoughts on the subject here.
I was the fat gay kid in school when I was young. I didn't know I was gay at the time, but because I was fat and not into sports and not athletic and popular, I got bullied. Life was miserable in the public school I attended. So called "friends" would throw rocks at me when I passed by on my bicycle, a girl in my class beat me up at recess because I was taught never to hit a girl, so I didn't fight back, I ate lunch alone. A group of kids spray painted "Seth Sucks" on our driveway. Life as a boy was dreadful. It may not have been because I was gay, but it was because I was different; I was easy to pick on.
My parents went so far as to transfer me to another school. A private school where a lot of their friends sent their kids. I was still the large unpopular kid, but I did have friends; I was a side-kick to the popular boys. Life was a little better. As I got taller, I became a bully on the bus home and once made a kid cry. "I am sorry Spencer!" I still remember that afternoon and regret it to this day. But, kids will do as other kids will to fit in the scene. It is not something for which I am proud. It didn't make my life miraculously better. I was still an outsider, a feeling that stayed with me through high school where I boarded. I was not among the teachers' favorite students, and my roommate and his friends would secretly pull pranks on me...I was certainly the kid in the dorm who got picked on a lot. But I was used to it.
What I have to say here today is that is is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that 1. their kids aren't mean or bullies. If parents get a call that their kids are being mean to another student, those parents should take action. There is no reason that in this day and age that kids should be picking on others for being different. Your kids may not want to be friends with the fat kid, or the wheelchair kid, or the gay kid, or even the Jewish kid, but they shouldn't be allowed to taunt those other kids. Education is not just up to schools. You chose to have children, please choose to tell them right from wrong. That is a parent's job!!
For two college age students to cyber-bully one of their classmates to the point that the man drove to the George Washington Bridge and hurled himself into the Hudson River is such a tragedy. Such a senseless tragedy. More than one life was thrown away the morning that Tyler Clementi died. The bullies are now going to be the bullied.
My mother tells me she used to lay awake at night wondering and worrying about where I would end up in life. I do not remember getting lots of comforting words from my parents about being bullied, but I do remember spending a lot of time with my mom, who did protect me and made me feel special when I was with her. I got through all the bullshit of being a kid. I made it through the bad times into college and beyond. Childhood cruelties fell away as I became older and found good groups of loyal friends.
If your kids are small, unpopular, or feel like an outsider and they come to you feeling miserable, tell them it gets better. Make them see that another three years of high school may seem like a lifetime to them, but that it is only a small blip in an otherwise wonderful life. Make them feel special. If they are being bullied, do not ignore it, but take issues into your own hands. These are your children and they need to be loved and protected no matter who they are. If I could have come out to my parents earlier than I did, I would have, but I was not emotionally stable enough to handle the perceived rejection. It would have put me into such turmoil and the feelings of being gay at a young age are scary enough.
Please, be vigilant. No lives should be lost because of being different.
